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NOTABLE QUOTABLE QUOTES FROM SOME OF ROCKNROLL'S FINEST CHARACTERS

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“I feel like Quentin Crisp these days. I’ve become the stately homo of heavy metal.”
Judas Priest’s Rob Halford.

 

“You’re going back to the same old shit. A tour would have been an absolute menagerie of vested interests, and the very essence of everything that's shitty about big-time stadium rock. We were surrounded by a circus of people that would have had our souls in the fire. I’m not part of a jukebox.”
Robert Plant on drawing a line in the sand after Zeppelin’s O2 Arena reunion.

 

“I had more that you would qualify as women. With him you were also throwing in cattle. But we both did very well. Gene likes to say: ‘Look at me, and look at what I’ve done’, and that’s okay. But who had more? He certainly had ones I didn't want.”
Paul Stanley reveals who got the most female action in Kiss.

 

“They were appalling, dreadful. I’d give them 1/10… and that was for the lights.”
John ‘Rhino’ Edwards of Status Quo, on Kiss.

 

“What will my epitaph be? I can’t believe I got away with it.”
Francis Rossi, Status Quo.

 

“I kind of wish that Kurt Cobain was still alive, that way he could see that grunge is dead.”
Steel Panther singer Michael Starr, 2014.

 

“What’s the last thing I do before going onstage? Check my Tampax is in place.”
The late, great Würzel of Motörhead, talking in 1992.

 

“Rock ‘n’ roll is all about going out on Saturday night, getting drunk, being sick down your threads and pulling a bird – though not necessarily in that order.”
Motörhead’s Lemmy Kilmister.

 

“There’s more life in a frozen chicken from Tesco than in the Pat Travers Band.”
Lemmy during the same interview in 1981.

 

“We called them ‘two baggers’. One bag was for her head, so you wouldn’t have to look at her while [you had sex)], and another for your head in case anyone came in, so they wouldn’t know it was you.”
Ozzy Osbourne on the quality – or otherwise – of Black Sabbath’s groupies in the 1970s.

 

“People keep asking why we don’t play ‘Sinner’ anymore. I tell them it’s because we’ve repented.”
KK Downing, Judas Priest.

 

“A bucket of stale urine.”
The NME reviews the first, self-titled Queen album.

 

“I guess the album was named after the amount of vaginas that David Lee Roth had on his face [in that year]. He was getting more pussy than anybody at that point.”
Satchel of Steel Panther on Van Halen’s ‘1984’.

 

“I’ve never heard a song as bad as ‘Cold Gin’ [by Kiss]. It’s total shit.”
Richey James of the Mani Street Preachers, 1993.

 

“I’m frustrated about not knowing what I’m angry about.”
Ritchie Blackmore, 1987.

 

“No. And if I did, knowing that I’d be charged for it I’d be up early and off to Currys the next morning to buy a replacement.”
Quo’s Francis ‘Thrifty’ Rossi on whether he ever threw a TV out of the window.

 

“It’s terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after winning seven Tour De France races. When I was on drugs I couldn’t even find my bike.”
Willie Nelson.

 

“The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown didn’t do a lot of songs about fucking. Apart from one number where all I did was shout ‘Fuck!’ for 20 minutes.”
Arthur Brown.

 

“I’d be very surprised if Thunder are still around in ten years’ time. I don’t know whether it would be a challenge anymore.”
Danny Bowes, talking in 1993.

 

“An album without a hit single is like a girl with a real shirt mini-skirt that wears underwear.”
Gregg Giuffria, House Of Lords, 1989.

 

“Being produced by him was like working with Darth Vader.”
Ozzy Osbourne on Ron Nevison and 1986’s ‘The Ultimate Sin’ album.

 

“What would I do if I quit the music business? I’d probably sell ladies’ shoes. It’s always been a little fantasy of mine.”
Neal Schon of Journey, 1993.

 

“If there was a list of ten things you wouldn't find in a Motörhead dressing room, Blackie Lawless would be at the top. We hate that cunt – he’s a rubbish, fat paratrooper and about as dangerous as Fozzie Bear.”
Phil Campbell.

 

“I never really liked any British group, I don’t think the British should play rock ‘n’ roll… I never took British rock ‘n’ roll seriously and I still don’t.”
Lou Reed speaking in 1983.

“We’ll think of something; we always do – probably involving naked women or something.”
Lemmy formulates a plan for Motörhead’s 40th anniversary.

 

“Rehearsals during that era tended to revolve around pub opening times; meet midday in the pub, start rehearsal at 2pm. Rehearsals end 5.30pm – in time for the pub reopening.
Sometimes a photo session would replace the rehearsal, but we always met in the pub first.”
UFO’s Paul ‘Kipper’ Raymond on the year 1977.

 

“The tour manager rang to say: ‘We’ve got trouble in the hotel. It’s not just smashing up a room – Lynyrd Skynyrd have skinned a cat!’”
Manager Bill Curbishley recalls the support act of The Who’s ‘Quadrophenia’ US tour.

 

“He said: ‘[Let’s do] the one about the cow’. We said: ‘Er… We don’t have a song about a cow’. ‘He replies: ‘You know, ‘My Baby Is A Heifer’’. So it was like… okay Mike, let’s do ‘My Baby Is A Heifer’”. Because, y’know, you don’t want to fuck with Mike Muir.”
Ginger on the night the Suicidal Tendencies leader jammed with The Wildhearts on ‘My Baby Is A Headfuck’.

 

“I suspect that Ginger Wildheart and I are Anthony and Cleopatra reborn.”
Jackdaw4’s Willie Dowling.

 

“Halfway through our set, I looked around and saw out of the corner of my eye that Patti Smith was squatting on the side of the stage taking a piss – urinating while we were performing. We obviously didn’t get Patti’s seal of approval.”
Mick Jones on Foreigner’s spot at the Reading Festival in 1978.

 

“He was a force of nature. Most people actually need to be sober at some point in the day, but he didn’t seem to require that. At one gig we were backstage listening to them play and the bass just disappeared – of course he’d fallen off the stage.”
Geddy Lee of Rush remembers touring with UFO during the Pete way era.

 

“It was the most Spinal Tap thing I ever saw. They’ve got three guitar players onstage and you can’t hear any of them until one does a lead [solo]. There's something seriously wrong with that.”
Kerry King of Slayer’s verdict on Iron Maiden’s ‘Three Amigos’ guitar team.

 

“Gene lives about five minutes from me – I can see his ego from my house!”
Paul Stanley of Kiss

 

“Between us and Bon Jovi we fucking built that company. We built their penthouse sushi bar, wherever it may be, and they just treated us like shit. We can either roll over like little dandelions or we can stand up and punch them in the bollocks. And that’s exactly what we’re doing.”
Joe Elliott explains why Def Leppard are re-recording their hits instead of kow-towing to Universal Records.

 

“I Federal Expressed a diaper full of shit to my record company, Warner Brothers.”
Ministry’s Al Jourgensen.

 

“Over the years, people have made a lot of claims about what Ken Hensley was like to work with – and I can only endorse what they’ve said.”
Also a member of AC/DC and The Firm, drummer Chris Slade uses tact and diplomacy whilst recalling his spell with Uriah Heep.

 

“The music that I did with Metallica is awe-inspiring. It’s maybe the best thing done by anyone, ever. It could create another planetary system. I’m not joking, and I’m not being egotistical.”
Lou Reed

 

“We’re from Scarborough and we’ve come down like Vikings, raping and pillaging… people don’t like that.”
‘Little’ Jimmy Dickinson of Little Angels, getting a trifle carried away in 1993.

 

“Whoever’s singing that should get a fucking day job.”
Ozzy Osbourne hears Megadeth’s version of ‘Paranoid’ in 1994.

 

“I’ve found from my relationship with my good lady that the one way to shut her up is to introduce a bit of horn. I’m no marriage guidance counsellor, but it’s worked once or twice for me.”
Who else but… David ‘Mr PC’ Coverdale?!

 

“The guy’s not [even] a great singer and he acts like he’s the coolest, hottest guy in the world. To me, he looks gay.”
Sammy Hagar on David Lee Roth

 

“The same thing that made Peru famous [was what] made a loser out of UFO.”
Pete Way, speaking in 1983.

 

“I look back and go: ‘Wow, that was crazy’. It was pretty disgraceful. I spent more time shooting heroin than I did being the best man.”
Nikki Sixx on the day that Tommy Lee married Heather Locklear.

 

“My best childhood memory was meeting The Wombles. I was six years old and it blew my mind!”
Shane Embury, Napalm Death.

 

“In the last few years I’ve re-discovered Kate Bush. She’s pretty talented and, er… she’s got great tits!”
Metallica’s James Hetfield, 1993.

 

“I never owned the first Van Halen record. I couldn’t put it on to save my soul. I never understood it.”
Chris Robinson, The Black Crowes.

 

“I went and saw that movie about The Doors and I was absolutely disgusted. I walked out. They’d made a hero out of an egotistical moronic drunken drug addict.”
Ozzy ‘None Of The Above’ Osbourne, 1992.

 

“Steve [Harris] and myself always used to clash. He wanted to fire me after the first month of the ‘Number Of The Beast’ tour.”
Bruce Dickinson, still a solo artist back in 1993, on his sometimes frosty relationship with ’Arry.

 

“In the 1980s I used to cure athlete’s foot by pouring cocaine on my toes. They cut the stuff with so much foot powder back then, it was the best treatment. The only problem was the price [of] around $3000 a toe.”
Ozzy Osbourne.

 

“Enid [Williams] didn’t drink, except for one time. She was staggering around backstage with an imprint of a toilet seat on her forehead having passed out.”
Girlschool’s Denise Dufort recalls the night her teetotal bass player had a can of Special Brew.

 

“I wouldn’t send him cat food if he was starving.”
Claws out! David Coverdale on Robert Plant, 1994

 

“I can’t see myself getting married, but if I wanted children I’d just go into Harrods and buy one. Buy two and you get the nanny thrown in.”
Freddie Mercury

 

“Is there a word for something that’s beneath shit?”
Asked to describe grunge music in 1994, Joey DeMaio is found wanting.

 

“No butt plug, no matter how big, could facilitate the gigantic anus of Courtney Love.”
Marilyn Manson, back in the year 2000.

 

“It's the stupidest thing he’s ever done. He’s a sacred American institution of rock ‘n’ roll and he just threw it all out the window. Stomped on it and set it on fire. Whoever’s advising him, we should bring back the guillotine.”
Kid Rock on Steven Tyler’s decision to become an American Idol judge.

 

“I remember going to Tony [Iommi]: ‘Fucking hell, you want to see the thing I’ve got in bed [with me]. It looks like the winner of the 3.30 from Kelso!’”
Ozzy Osbourne recalls a US groupie experience.

 

“I lost my virginity to an Alsatian. It pinned me up against a wall and shot its muck all over my front. It put me off sex for a bit.”
Terrorvision drummer Shutty, speaking in 1999.

 

“I started to be really proud of the fact that I was gay, even though I wasn’t.”
Kurt ‘Not Mixed Up At All’ Cobain.

 

“I am the best Keith Moon-type drummer in the world.”
Keith Moon

 

“I think that pop music has done more for oral intercourse than anything that ever happened, and vice versa.”
Frank Zappa

 

“When you get married it should be forever. Even though I did get married once and it was annulled.”
Courtney Love.

 

“It sickens me to watch everybody fawning over Sharon Osbourne. This is the most evil, shittiest woman I’ve ever met in my life. She would fucking have you killed if it was to her advantage. She’s just... it’s just... if people really knew.”
Vince Neil.

 

“W.A.S.P. are not a heavy metal band, just a Punch And Judy show decorated with chains.”
Slayer’s Kerry King.

 

“Merv came over, got drunk and threw up in the toilet, so we knew he was the man for the job.”
Steve Overland tells Kerrang! about the day that Mr Goldsworthy joined FM.

 

“We spelled our name with a ‘Y’ rather than an ‘I’, as we didn’t want people to mistake us for ‘Stripper’.”
Robert Sweet.

 

“If you put a Mars bar in one of Glenn Hughes’ hands and a bass in the other, he’ll choose the Mars bar.”
Gary Moore.

 

“If you see Thin Lizzy being reformed, it will be a thing of desperation.”
Quoted in 1985, the man who should know – Mr Philip Parris Lynott.

 

“I was at the BBC and accidentally walked into the wrong studio. Basil Brush was sat at his desk. I’m stood there not knowing what to do and he says in that Basil Brush voice, ‘I say, it’s Rick Wakeman’. I mumbled, ‘Very nice to meet you’. And he just says, ‘Right. We’re in the middle of rehearsal and ever so behind, so if you could just fuck off, there’s a good chap’. I walked out in a daze, bumped into Barry Norman and could only tell him, ‘Basil Brush just told me to fuck off!’”
Rick Wakeman.

 

“I don’t know the guy, but he’s one of the worst guitar players I’ve ever heard in my life. I’ve never heard a solo from that guy that was any good… This guy is out of tune, and his vibration... what is it? Vibrato. Oh my God. It sounds like a beginner.”
Winger/Whitesnake’s Reb Beach on Kirk Hammett, 2010.

 

“What can I say? We are saving heavy metal from extinction. Most male metal fans can’t get a fucking girlfriend.”
Cackling with laughter, Zoltan Bathory explains why Five Finger Death Punch waived admission for the first 100 ladies per night on a recent US tour.

 

“I compromised my ideals with this new album. I look at it – sonically, artistically and even photographically – and I’d like to throw it into the fireplace.”
Speaking in 1999, Peter Steele does the big sell on Type O Negative’s ‘World Coming Down’ album.

 

“The only chick I could fall in love with is Kate Bush. I love her, totally. I cried at her gig at the Sunderland Empire a few years ago, then walked home 30 miles with my head in the clouds.”
Cronos from Venom, back in 1985.

 

“Paul Rodgers’ hair looks a bit unnatural. He must use the same guy as Elton john, for fuck’s sake. I’m not having a pop, I’m just amazed that people haven’t said, ‘How can this be?’”
Talking in Fireworks magazine, Brian Howe on his predecessor – and successor! – in Bad Company.

 

“Come on, then. Speak. Ask your questions.”
Ginger Baker begins a 2010 interview with Classic Rock’s Max Bell.

 

“That was the biggest joke in history. I [played with them because I] needed the money, [but] they didn’t have any. Their music was fucking appalling. Atrocious. I hated it all. Thank Christ I wasn’t with them very long.”
We’re sure Hawkwind speak very highly of you, too, Mr Baker.

 

“[With BBM] more gigs were cancelled than played. And they were awful. Unlike Cream, everything with Gary Moore was contrived. Every solo he played was the same. When Gary blew his ears they took him to a doctor. I said, ‘Why don’t you take him to a fucking psychiatrist ’cos that’s what he needs?’”
Anyone else you’d like to insult, Ginger?

 

“Chas Chandler asked if Jimi [Hendrix] could sit in with Cream. I didn’t know who he was; just some geezer. When he starts going down on his knees, playing with his teeth, I wasn’t impressed at all.”
Yet more vitriol from the same GB interview…

 

“I hate the Stones and always have done. Mick Jagger is a musical moron. Keith Moon was a good drummer with The Who, I suppose, when he tried to play like me. Mitch Mitchell was a journeyman, hopeless. John Bonham, Ringo Starr, Charlie Watts… they’re a three or four [out of ten].”
So, Ginger, how do you rate yourself?

 

“I’m a golden ten.”
Thank you Mr Baker, and goodnight…

 

“I’ve been sitting here admiring my crotch for the last ten minutes.”
W.A.S.P.’s Blackie Lawless.

 

“Until about two years ago I was a struggling male model for Mothercare, still learning my craft…”
In a 1984 interview, Brian Howe explains what he did before joining Ted Nugent’s band.

 

“Donald Trump is a huge fan of Gene Simmons. Mostly he’s jealous of my hair which is much cooler than his. Everyone thinks we both wear wigs, but we don’t. They’re just jealous.”
Kiss motormouth Gene Simmons in the March 2010 issue of Classic Rock.


“No disrespect because Lars [Ulrich] is great and he’s a very nice guy, but he needs to spend a week at my house. We need to sit down and play. I could show him — ‘No, Lars, like this!’… ‘Let’s chill, let’s relax, have some coffee and let’s play!’ Hahahahaha!”
Slayer’s Dave Lombardo offers to host a Metalli-drum clinic, November 2009.

 

“I was secretly pining [over] getting up there and playing with them again. [But] what song would I play? And how could I even stand it? I like playing with guys who can keep time.”
Dave Mustaine’s best-ever Metallica putdown, surely?

 

“The scale of our music is like the size of a porn star’s penis – it’s all about the length and the girth. The bigger it is, the more you can put into it.”
Mike Portnoy, Dream Theater.

 

“As far as Dave [Lombardo] goes, I don’t care whether he lives or dies.” Slayer’s Kerry King in a September 1995 interview with Metal Hammer.

 

“I'd never want to be Gene Simmons, an old man who puts on makeup to entertain kids, like a clown going to work.”
Trent Renzor.

 

“Around 1988 we went to see Lita Ford at the Marquee and when Jon Bon Jovi came on for the encore everyone went nuts. And I thought, ‘We’re better than this wanker!’”
Guitarist Luke Morley on the night that Thunder were born.

 

“Slash either should not have been in Guns [N’ Roses] to begin with or should have left after ‘Lies’. Personally I consider him a cancer… better removed, avoided.”
W Axl Rose pulls no punches with regard to his former guitarist, February 2009.

 

“Fuck off, Led Zeppelin, you’re crap. You’ve always been crap, and you’ll never be anything else. Cream is ten times the band that Led Zeppelin is.”
Jack Bruce speaks his mind at the Classic Rock Awards, November 2008.

 

“You’re gonna compare Eric Clapton with that fucking Jimmy Page? Would you really compare that? No… Eric’s good and Jimmy’s crap. And with that I rest my case.”
Jack Bruce, still in a bit of a strop.

 

“The only decent guy – the one good guy in that band is dead.”
In a radio interview the following day, Bruce stands by his convictions.

 

“After I was advised to plead guilty [to charges of exposing himself in a Golden Egg restaurant in London’s Leicester Square], I got off with a fine. The next day I decided to see what would happen if I did it for real. So I took off all my clothes and jogged from Highgate to Camden Lock. No one took any notice until eventually I was stopped by a policeman who, when he saw I was a bit drunk, lent me a fiver to get a taxi home.”
Ex-Rainbow singer Graham Bonnet in 1982, months before being ejected from the Michael Schenker Group for his notorious onstage ‘willy-waving incident’.

 

“Glenn Hughes is still copying Stevie Wonder to this day. I can’t call him a bona fide member of Deep Purple.”
Ian Gillan on The Voice Of Rock.

 

“I’ve never listened to any of Purple Mk II’s records. What are they called? ‘Burn’ and ‘Strongbow’, is it? I’ve got no interest in them.”
Ian Gillan again.

 

“So I'm in the shower washing me hair, then I feel this stinging pain and hear this sudden plop. And I see this lump of flesh going down the plug-hole. Fucking ‘ell, my nose has fallen off!”
Status Quo’s Francis Rossi rues nostril-related cocaine damage.

 

“I was fat and self-conscious. I was a turd onstage, just a useless turd.”
Justin Hawkins on his last days with The Darkness. No arguing from me…

 

“Is this Billy Ocean? Are they black? Are they males or females?”
Dave Mustaine of Megadeth reviews FM’s ‘Frozen Heart’ in the pages of Metal Hammer.

 

“I went into rehab a few times and every time I’d check out Dave [Ellefson] would be waiting outside in his car, with a CD with heroin and coke on top.”
Dave Mustaine, speaking in 1992.

 

“We have groupies, sure we do. Jesus Christ had groupies. He had thousands of people following Him. I prefer to call them friends than groupies, but it’s a sign that you’re a real rock ‘n’ roll band. I just hope that the girls we meet out there are able to benefit from the one we speak about.”
Stryper’s Robert Sweet, in 1986.

 

“I’ve tasted success. It’s a cross between strawberry milkshake and roast beef.”
Gary Barden.

 

“I don’t care if someone wants to get fucked up and party, you should at least be able to play. He did half of ‘Unskinny Bop’ without the guitar plugged in. That was it for me. I walked offstage and drove away. I haven’t spoken to him since.”
Bret Michaels recalls the night in 1991 that CC DeVille was sacked from Poison.

 

“We want a team player, not some hired hand who’ll make one album, get themselves a reputation and then split.”
Michaels before Poison hired Richie Kotzen – for one album!

 

“The second album will be a lot better. We’ll have two songs on it.”
A fairly rash prediction from Zodiac Mindwarp.

 

“I run this band like The Mafia. We don’t talk about The Family outside The Family”
Jon ‘The Godfather’ Bon Jovi in a 1990 interview with RAW magazine.

 

“I punched the shit out of Sebastian [Bach], decked him right on his fat little ass. I knocked him out and I’d do it again. He bad-mouthed me on my own stage, and you don’t fucking do that when you’re playing with my gear and even his shoes were mine.”
JBJ in the same interview.

 

“Look, I’m a 22-year-old Metallica freak on speed. I’m psychotic. I can drink four bottles of whiskey before I go onstage. Jon is a 31-year-old Bruce Springsteen fan, a businessman with a fax machine. He gets pissed on one drink. Who do you think is gonna win a fight?”
Bach disputes the outcome of the aforementioned scrap.

 

“I’ve never had any money and I still don’t. Rock and roll should be about people coming together as one, not worrying how to how to turn a $69 million fortune into $71 million.”
Seb makes his feelings on JBJ very clear indeed.

 

“David Coverdale has had to make certain cosmetic changes to crack America – ‘cosmetic’ being the operative word.”
Gary Moore.

 

“The great thing about Obituary is that we’re heavier than a bag of donkey’s balls.”
That band’s drummer Don Tardy.

 

“It's like the old joke about the circus employee whose is job was to walk behind the elephants and clean up [their droppings]. He keeps on complaining until somebody finally says, ‘Just stop’, to which he replies, ‘What? And give up showbusiness?!’”
Meat Loaf’s less than ecstatic attitude towards performing live.

 

“What is that, a condom? I haven’t used one of those since I was four.”
Heartfelt nostalgia from David Coverdale as an inflated johnny is thrown onto Wembley Arena’s stage in June 2008.

 

“My life is part humour, part roses, part thorns. I'll come off the stage at Texas Stadium [and] I’m a rock god. Then, an hour and a half later, I'm throwing a football and waiting for a cheeseburger from a truck stop alongside a freeway. That is the balance in life.”
Poison’s Bret Michaels disappears up his own rectum.

 

“They are the most pathetic attempt at rock ‘n’ roll I’ve ever heard”.
Yngwie Malmsteen on Iron Maiden.

 

“Other bands wanted to wreck hotel rooms; Roxy Music wanted to redecorate them.”
Bryan Ferry.

 

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